Vanilla or Kinky?

Vanilla is defined by the online slang dictionary as follows,


Bland, boring, normal


Kink is defined as follows


  • a small problem.
  • deviant sexuality.

In this case both of these terms refer to sexual proclivity. Though  both can be used negatively, they are most commonly used descriptively to indicate a persons sex life without having to go into detail about their likes and dislikes. 

A person who is referred to/refers to themselves as vanilla is most likely happy to stick to the usual routines and positions without adding much more than candles and lingerie to the picture. A wild night might include anal or the reverse cowboy with the lights on. 

On the other hand a person who is considered/considers themselves to be kinky could be interested in anything from costumes, roleplaying or public sex, to restraint systems, floggers and ball gags. On the extreme end of that you also find things like watersports, coprophilia and bloodplay. (I am going to stay away from those areas as I really have no experience, or anything more than a basic knowledge of them.)  The kinky crowd tend to enjoy the odd night of sexy lingerie and candles but for the most part their lingerie will consist of corsets and heels/boots and they will replace candles with handcuffs or a paddle.

Most people are somewhere in between the two.   The most important thing to remember whatever your inclination, TALK TO YOUR PARTNER(S), there is nothing worse than the realization that your partner is completely horrified and/or turned off by your bedroom antics.

When most people think about communication in relationships they envision conversations and arguments over the future, aspirations, division of labour in the home and out, past relationships, relationship boundaries, parenting, and family; unfortunately sex is not likely to pop up in many peoples minds. Sex is a HUGE part of most relationships and people are often too busy thinking about other things to bring it up. Unfortunately this can lead to people realizing quite a ways into relationships that they are off kilter when it comes to wants and desires inside of the bedroom. Compromise is best, but if it's not possible you may have to face the fact that you might not be sexually compatible.